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Feb. 26th, 2015

(no subject)

On Feb. 19 I started taking classes with Baker College online. Well, it's just class right now. The introductory and mandatory 3 week course titled Success in Online Learning. I just finished my first week with a B. I'm only mildly disappointed that I didn't earn an A...I knew where I was slacking off. It's the tests. They're multiple choice, and while I could totally find the information in another tab I still missed 7 test questions. Bad me. I'm a perfectionist in my mind and a slacker in reality. But I will be satisfied with B's. I got myself all tied up in knots and frustrated when I'd accept no less than an A from myself.

I'm glad to finally have something to say when folks ask what I've been up to. I've been in school. I'm studying. Oh me? I'm a student now. Much preferable to the "Uh...not much." I was dealing out before.

The school has certain requirements that annoy and make no sense to me. For instance I have to use the Chrome browser. I wasn't happy with IE, however I didn't get popups either. I just tweaked my Chrome settings so it should be better, but I've still got one that attaches itself to most pages. Those are the worst kind! What even are you! You're not long for this world, little peel back in the corner of my screen - I will be researching your destruction momentarily. Enjoy your last moments.

The day before yesterday I awoke to 2 inches of water covering over half of my little basement home. Luckily nothing of was ruined, and nothing of value got damaged. However waking up instantly followed by using every blanket I own followed by all the dirty towels in the laundry room to mop up the basement sea was unsavory, to say the least.

Also that day my box fan died in a cloud of dying motor scent. Why is it always the middle of winter when I need a new box fan? I sleep with a light breeze on my face accompanied by white noise. That's my lullaby. I've had this one for probably at least 5 years and have been using it nightly and all too often forgetting to turn it off during the day. Lasko fan, you were good to me.

Also that day my mom and sister got into it and my mom screamed, "Fuck you!" to my sister and hung up. There was of course a lot more to it. My sister was arguing aggressively. Still. I asked mom to apologize to my sister for being so harsh. I asked my sister to go more lightly on mom. They're cool now but I detest tension in the house. Or being around tension and aggression at all. They are triggers for me.

Oh now the plumbers are here. I'm glad they're family. But it's still a bit odd of a feeling having them running around my space. Dealing with my sewage. Oh, the flood was clean water btw, and thankfully. Now it's snake time. That thing is a monstrosity. Glad they're handling it, and hoping it won't be wicked expensive.

My boyfriend and I are starting to look for a mobile home that I hope to buy with my student loans. Hopefully in an area close enough for him to keep his job while searching for another one. But definitely not in the neighborhood he works at.

Okay I thought it was odd that my mom and sister both call each other and me in the same house. But I made by far my most odd call just now by calling my sister and asking her to flush the toilet upstairs. Out of context that'd be hard to understand.

And I nearly wish I hadn't gotten high before they arrived because the noise from the snake machine is keeping me tense. Clang clang clang, toilet flush, water running, clang clang clang.

Oh and the day of the basement flood my mom put the household on water lock-down. No showers or laundry, but still do the dishes and use the bathroom, etc. She was positive the washer would cause another flood. Or that the shower would. It was what mom and my sister's fuck you argument was over. So...we've been sneaking showers, and mom keeps saying she took a whore's bath. Which is a term I used to like. But hearing my mom say it 4 times really took the flavor from that one for me.

Jan. 24th, 2015

(no subject)

Where I'd like to be more like Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation I am much more similar to the couch guy from Half Baked. Leslie's secrets seem to be sugar in as high doses as possible, thinking the bright side is the only side, and a strong sense of justice. I'm doing a parks and rec marathon in Netflix, it's been going on a week now. I started where I left off, and am now watching the first seasons which I missed out on.

It's just that she's so damn perky. I have like a day a year of perkiness, and a ton of grumpiness.

Jan. 16th, 2015

(no subject)

Is she seriously serious right now? Mom texted me, from her bedroom, asking me to do the dishes at 4:30am, after I'd already started them. I'm positive she heard me starting them and just had to get a word in. Why else would she be texting me about dishes at 4:30am?

And while we're on it - I have a minute phone, please don't call me from the house I'm in. And a texted smiley face or ok is thirty cents worth of minutes too. Argh.

Not that I came here to bitch. Really.

Let's see...some good things...

The plumber, my sister's uncle, fixed up my bathroom and now I don't have to shut the water off each time I use it. That is a nice thing, although the habit of it hasn't left yet, I've reached for the valve each time so far. Oh, and there's hot water to the sink now, my hands are thankful.

I had a stellar sleep. Weird timing as I slept from 3pm until 2am, but I feel clear headed again. And I think I might be able to squeeze a bit more sleep out of my mind in a bit.

Thank God for resin. I had a grumpy day without weed, tried to score and got road blocked until tomorrow night. And as it usually goes I'm sitting here wishing I had weed when I look at my bowl and realize, "Resin!" And now life doesn't suck quite as much.

Jan. 15th, 2015

(no subject)

Tuesday night my boyfriend stayed over. The morning cuddles were top notch. I am usually a little annoyed he's coming over on the day he's coming over and super sad he's gone and miss him for a couple days after he leaves. He visits weekly. Our visits would be nicer if I missed him on the days he arrives.

We're talking about getting a place together again. We lived together for 6 of our 8 years. Recently back together and have been living apart about a year. I think we're ready to take that leap again.

Plus I've been ready to move from my mom's house since the day I moved in. I moved in because I was lonely and struggling. I'm still struggling. I'm definitely not as lonely. However I do face near daily naggings. She has this way of calling my name out when she's on a roll for nagging that pierces my heart with dread. Anyway I am excited about moving in with him. Our options are small, but our hopes are high.

School will be put off for a little while for me over sixty bucks. I'm so annoyed by that. My pell grant will only cover anything if I take at least 12 credit hours. The first class at Baker Online, which is mandatory and can only be taken alone, is only a 3 week course, only costs sixty bucks and only stands in the way of my education and my student loan. It's the stupidest road block. And COL 112 is all about success in online learning. I am annoyed.

I haven't slept since yesterday's nap. I'll have some breakfast and try again. I hate having insomnia. At times it feels like my body very nearly is asleep and my mind is just spinning inside my head like a gravitron.

Food then sleep.

Good day to you, sir!

Jan. 12th, 2015

Do over?

Most days I am still snoring right now. For the last week I've been cold and flu sick along with depression sick. So today when I popped out of bed like toast I thought I'd make the best of it and jumped right in the shower.

I'm embarrassed saying that it was my first shower in a week, but it was. It was long and the water went cold but for a blissful ten minutes or so I felt clean. And then I shit my pants. No warning. No cramping or feeling downstairs to indicate anything at all was about to happen. Just sudden. Now I need another shower and the waters still cold plus I'm doing laundry and damn it. I was clean for ten minutes.

Being ridiculously superstitious I sit here thinking along the what if patterns. What if it was because I didn't smoke my morning bowl before showering? What if it was because I did the laundry with warm water instead of cold? What if my medication is deteriorating my anus? I drive myself insane with the what if thoughts. What if I didn't waste half my days wondering about things I'll never know the answers to anyway?

It's just there's this particularly burning question - Why did I shit my pants?
No warning. Nothing. Sudden cream pie.

I hate mornings. Every time I wake before noon, or even at 12:30 when my alarm goes off, I feel like Dante getting called into the Quick Stop on his day off. Is it a problem to live for sleeping? My depression says it's okay, so...

Answer for question 4188.

How important are first impressions to you? Do you generally make a good first impression or a bad one?
Although first impressions are important, and lasting, I usually fudge mine by being entirely too reserved or boisterous at first - depending.

Jan. 11th, 2015

Basement Complications

My personal annoyance with this house isn't that they started to put extra electrical outlets in the basement. It's that they didn't finish them. There are 3 outlets to nothing in 3 areas I could seriously use some outlet action. Today my trusty dollar store extension cord went out in a blaze of glory that melted the cord from the plug and fused the plug to the power strip. A sane person would say good day to the power strip and let it meet it's land fill destination. I don't have power strip money sitting around so tomorrow I'm going to use a screw driver to try and divorce the two, in hopes the power strip is still good. I have a new trusty and probably dollar store extension cord, but it's not three prong and my laptop is yawning. I've got to remove that third prong. But then maybe I shouldn't since my cord system is so flammable.

First Post

For the last 10 months I've been living in my mom's basement. It's cold down here, and the spiders do not appreciate my presence. I told my cat that his job is to kill all insects and critters. I've seen less of them since feline and I had that chat.

Today I rearranged my little basement apartment. Everything was still in the first spots I claimed for things, so it was not very flowing. I like the new set up, though I must admit to looking over my shoulder in this corner a lot since the biggest cobwebs came from where I'm sitting.

Thank goodness for my sister who lives on the top floor with her girlfriend. Mom pays her 5 bucks off rent to clean my room weekly. Today she earned 10 with all the rearranging and cleaning under where things were. I almost said I'd clean my room for the discount, but...I wouldn't. Every couple weeks mom seems to have a household or car project she'll pay for. Sis got the last one, painting the bathroom.

Let he who is without sin throw the first stoner.

Although I prefer joints over any other pot smoking variety, I find myself sticking to bowls more and more. It's just economical. While I smoke joint after joint wanting more (and running out way too soon), I tend to forget I'm smoking a bowl and it lasts me a lot longer than one (or two) joints ever could. Plus I'm poor and a screen for the bowl is a few cents versus a dollar for papers. Every penny counts, right? The annoyance is that I never get stoned when I'm bowl smoking unless I'm diligent about doing it quickly and smoking back to back bowls.

Most days I don't do much at all. Some days I watch Netflix. Some days I do the dishes. I don't think I've eaten yet today, I should do that after I do this.

At the end of the month I start Baker Online. I have a smidge of experience with online schooling. I can't wait for class to start, I'm eager to learn. The first class which lasts the entire first session is about success in the online format. While I can understand why it's a mandatory class, I'm not entirely cool with it being mandatory to take it alone. It's one class on taking online classes. Hopefully I'll still be as eager to learn when the next session begins.

And whooboy am I looking forward to those loans! I've never done student loans before, but I'm in the hole and the student loan hole, though bigger, is far off into the future. And probably has a job at it. I specifically chose web design because it's something I can do from home. I'm a homebody. So hopefully the hole I dig for myself in student loans will be eventually fillable with the income I can earn from home after my degrees. I should be good as long as the internet is still a thing, and I don't see that changing.

Damn it, I lit a cigarette in the middle of my bowl. Again. See what I mean? I just forget I'm smoking it. This method does keep me mellow longer. It's just that I wanna get high. Not buzzed, not feeling okay, high. Oh well. When my significant other comes by we smoke blunts. I get high with my S/O and mellow on my own. Why do I feel like I could make a song out of this little story?
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