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Do over?

Most days I am still snoring right now. For the last week I've been cold and flu sick along with depression sick. So today when I popped out of bed like toast I thought I'd make the best of it and jumped right in the shower.

I'm embarrassed saying that it was my first shower in a week, but it was. It was long and the water went cold but for a blissful ten minutes or so I felt clean. And then I shit my pants. No warning. No cramping or feeling downstairs to indicate anything at all was about to happen. Just sudden. Now I need another shower and the waters still cold plus I'm doing laundry and damn it. I was clean for ten minutes.

Being ridiculously superstitious I sit here thinking along the what if patterns. What if it was because I didn't smoke my morning bowl before showering? What if it was because I did the laundry with warm water instead of cold? What if my medication is deteriorating my anus? I drive myself insane with the what if thoughts. What if I didn't waste half my days wondering about things I'll never know the answers to anyway?

It's just there's this particularly burning question - Why did I shit my pants?
No warning. Nothing. Sudden cream pie.

I hate mornings. Every time I wake before noon, or even at 12:30 when my alarm goes off, I feel like Dante getting called into the Quick Stop on his day off. Is it a problem to live for sleeping? My depression says it's okay, so...

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February 2015

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